G.R.I.N.D.

 Where do I begin. My wife, Kathy, suggested I consider this "Shawn ver. 2.0" and I think she's probably got the right attitude toward it. Since I'm the one in recovery, I'll defer to her more clarified view of the situation. I'll take what works and run with it, the rest, we will work around.

February 2015

Back in 2015, while helping install security cameras, I stepped harmlessly from one secured ladder, to one that was not and within seconds, I dropped 10 feet and landed on a vertical sheet of plywood and my right hip landed very hard on a small pile of broken concrete. I felt a pop and of course, the entirety of the impact took my breath away. I knew immediately I had made the dumbest mistake in my life. One that my doctor had warned me about but he was always wrong because that only happened to dumb people who were doing dumb things and I'd seen the Youtube videos to prove it... and you and I both know, now, I was completely wrong. I could not breathe for a minute and was in instant and intense pain. Everything you would imagine was happening. My wife helped me to our vehicle and on the road home, in incredible pain, I help myself up by my elbows on the armrests of our SUV, for three hours, as Kathy tried to rush across rough gravel roads, then better paved roads and of course the traffic and such as we approached the Leander/Cedar Park area. 

When I arrived home, I went straight to bed, not knowing the damage I had taken. I went to my primary care provider on Monday and the doctor prescribed inflammation meds. That was it. No x-ray, no physical "Does it hurt here, does it hurt there" type examination. Eventually the pain would subside but I soon realized that I would be extremely limited in how I slept. Only on my left side and with a pillow between my legs. If I rolled on to my back or right side, neuropathic pain would emerge around and under my toes and the balls of my feet. Walking around for 45 minutes seemed to make it subside. I never wanted to "get my steps in" that way but there I would be, middle of the night, pacing around, reminding myself of what an idiot I was. 

Another place the neuropathy would emerge would be when I traveled by air. Sitting in those airline seats without getting up and stretching or walking around, every 30 minutes, would produce the same neuropathic pain. I had a couple of instances flying into O'Hare where it was nearly unbearable. Not that it was that I was flying into Chicago because it was one of my favorite hubs... but because it was just long enough of a flight to remind me I needed to stretch. On those trips, I would pull my legs up into my seat and try to stretch it out enough to be able to walk when we deplaned. Miserable... and embarrassing.

November 2025

Ten years had elapsed since that fall. I learned a few tricks along the way, Gabapinten was of some help but the problem was always ready and waiting if I missed a step. In early November of 2025, I was working in one of the labs at work. I had been plugging in overhead receptacles to test equipment and probably over-extended my reach just a bit, repeatedly. I didn't think anything of it because it was never a problem before but I did feel like I could have used a ladder... but I already had history with those things. Nothing to worry about, I had guessed.

November 14th.

I took a day off to take my wife, Kathy, and our daughter Maya to the San Antonio Zoo. We had not been on a vacation in years (in fact not since 2011) and felt like this would be a good quick getaway and Maya was excited. Just before we left, I offered to take our puppy out and let her run around. She would be staying home and inside that day. As we walked into the backyard, she did her usual sniffing route along the fence line while I looked for her favorite purple frisbee. As I reached over to pick it up, at a 45 degree angle off to my left, I felt a horrifying snap in my left hip. Immediately, it felt as if I had been electrocuted from left shoulder down to my feet. Just an incredible feeling and instantly my left thigh muscle locked up as if in a "Charlie Horse". That would remain like that for 9 days. My left leg lost sensation and I nearly feel. I also felt like I was losing consciousness and I started to turn around and head toward the door. Kathy had just come out and witnessed it and asked what happened. I said I think I pulled something but I was going to (try) to walk it off, or so I thought. I insisted we get on the road and Kathy offered to drive while I worked out what I thought was just a really bad cramp. We got on 45 and then on 130 South heading toward San Antonio. It got worse... and worse... and worse. By the time we reached Tesla Road, I knew I was in trouble and we only had the ABIA airport exit approaching. I asked Kathy to take me to a hospital. She reached over and gasped as I was fully soaked in sweat, and my skin color was ashen gray. I was in trouble and I knew it. I never understood those little signs in the hospital that asked if your pain level included tears. You would not believe how that happens without you knowing it. I was sweating and crying. I pushed the seat back and tried to stretch out and nothing was letting up on the pain. We looked up the closest hospital in our network. It would be 30 minutes away in Friday morning traffic and Kathy used every bit of muscle in our Tundra to ride access roads and even the median to get me to Ascension Seton South. If you were in traffic, that morning and saw a black Tundra with emergency lights blinking, running full power in the median... yeah, that was us. Mind you, I was losing color and at my age, strokes and heart attacks become a little more commonplace. Kathy knew the risk and took it. She won.

When we arrived, I was worried it was closed. No orderlies out on smoke breaks, no wheelchairs waiting for the next customer. Kathy pulled up close to the entrance and shut the truck down, ran in and raced back with a wheelchair. I guess somebody inside woke up and came out with a gurney and between Kathy and I, I was able to make it up and on it. Kathy wheeled me in and I was ushered into an exam room. Kathy handled the paperwork while a nurse came in and got me situated. I explained the popping/snapping/possibly breaking sensation and then the thigh muscle being locked up but then realized I was numb and could not bear any weight on my left leg. Fxxx, Fxxx, Fxxx I've really done it now. Left leg gone. 

No control. 

The nurse brought in and started a pain medicine in an IV. Kathy arrived and we explained the situation to the attending physician who also claimed to be head of the ER. I figured we were in good hands from there. The med was administered and they said they would check on me in 20-25 minutes. 45 minutes passed by and Kathy walked out and told the nurse the pain was not decreasing. She administered something more powerful although I don't recall what it was. Again, an hour passed without relief. The doctor came back in and I relayed the story and told her we should probably have an x-ray on file with a local imaging company (ARA for us locals). I assumed they were going to ask for those. Those X-rays were only of the back from about two years after the incident so I could understand why they would not try to retrieve them but the situation became strange when they didn't order up an x-ray but instead said they would try to get my pain "manageable" and then send me home. I was a little surprised. I asked why they wouldn't just order one up and the ER doc said it would be extra paperwork and that her "association" might not approve it. I said I have full coverage insurance. I'll pay cash if I need to. She said, "No, it would require extra paragraphs in her paperwork". At that moment, I wondered if we had wondered into some weird walk-in clinic and not a real hospital. The room had plenty of evidence that we were in the right hospital but it was clear an x-ray would not be ordered. I said I would pay out of pocket but the doc stated that they could not do anything other than "pain management" with a "pre-existing condition". 

Had I not been in so much pain, I would have informed her of just much bull shit she had just spewed... but... I also knew that when somebody props up their opinion behind the "rules" or some other non-answering/non-present entity, you are going to lose the argument.

I knew I was done. I asked them to go ahead and sign me out and I would head home. With a dead left leg, agonizing cramping in my left thigh muscle and the inability to walk straight, I flopped down off the gurney and into the wheelchair.

Kathy had to wheel me out to the truck and help me in. There was not a single person there that would help. It still stands as the most bizarre experience in a hospital, I've ever heard. We left and stopped at a McDonalds on the way through Southwest Austin. I tried to walk it off but realized I couldn't control my left leg and the meds did seem to take a very little but painful edge off the foot.  Although at the time, I could hobble, I was hoping the circulation of just moving it would help. It did not. We ordered food, ate a few bites and tossed it. The day was done and we were heading home. I stayed in bed, leg propped up for the weekend and Kathy diligently researched doctors. 

November 17

Texas Orthopedics was the standout option and Kathy scheduled a Monday afternoon visit. X-rays were taken immediately and from that, Dr. Shah said an MRI was needed. Clearly, he saw enough wrong to warrant the far more expensive MRI. Unfortunately, MRI's were backed up all over Austin and we could not get one until 10pm.. the following night. Another 24 hour wait. Again, on crutches now, I hobbled in for the MRI and went back home. Looking back, the crutches were probably a terrible idea as I was essentially compressing and decompressing my back, repeatedly, with every swing and step... but remember, had I been given an x-ray on that Friday of the event, I might have had better medical advice. 

November 19

 The following day, Wednesday, the pain was worse, the numbness was fully engulfing my leg and now my left hip was agonizing. I do not want to minimize that pain. It was 9-10, again, just like on Friday when we were driving to the zoo. Kathy called Dr. Shah and he said he couldn't access the MRI but if I was in that much pain, he recommended going ahead and getting to an ER. He was concerned now and said the person we want for this was Dr. Patel, who specialized in back and nerve damage. The problem was that he operated at St. David's which was out of network for us. Kathy called and was able to get approval and off we went. 

We were admitted immediately, and a quick examination in the ER determined I would be getting a room, shortly. Unfortunately, ARA Imaging, where I had the MRI, was going through a buyout and files were not being transmitted to the right servers so, although I was admitted on Wednesday, there were no MRIs for Dr. Patel to read. That night, at 10:30pm, I met him when he visited my room. I explained the situation with ARA and that if he didn't get an MRI by the next day, Thursday, he would order up another one. MRI's aren't cheap. Kathy came into the hospital early that Thursday morning and asked me the status and I explained we were waiting on ARA. She called. She's earned her family nickname, "Barracuda" for a reason. The files suddenly arrived but the next two major obstacles, Dr. Patel's schedule and the OR schedule.... Oh... and an additional issue that I would never had guessed.

The anethestesiologists were part of "an association" that only would staff certain numbers of them for different times of the day, so as the day wore on, there were fewer and fewer. No surgery on Thursday, for sure. Friday arrived and Dr. Patel was trying to get us in but he already had five scheduled surgeries, that day. He had hoped to get to me that evening but by 7:30pm, complications on another case meant that aesthetician would not be available. Cost-cutting at hospitals can be ugly and what the hospitals earn/save, the patient loses. We were told that it would be bumped to the next morning. 

November 19-25

While in waiting Wednesday through Thursday, I was NPO which meant no food or water and I honored it and just bided my time in misery, waiting. The hospital bed's cheap foam mattress was no match for my 254 pound frame and my hip and waist quickly sank to the steel pipe frame below.

(By the way, did I mention that I've lost 10 pounds since November 14th?)

It was agony and the NPO was aggravating the pain. Eventually, I was scheduled for early Saturday morning and was finally on the table by noon, Saturday. Three hours passed while Dr. Patel removed two blown discs and fused 3 vertebrae. I awoke from the best sleep I think I've ever had. I was wheeled up to my room where I would spend the night and was evaluated the following morning... Sunday. Nine days after the initial incident. In that one three-hour surgery, Dr. Patel had done the work mentioned but had seemingly cured the neuropathy as I found myself sitting up for over an hour in bed, while the anesthesia meds wore off. I have no idea what they gave me but I fully comprehend why drug addicts must love them. Sunday morning, we had a meeting with everyone involved in my case and a plan was instrumented where I would get specific meds for pain but none that would make me drowsy. The goal was to get PT/OT teams to evaluate my left side. The popped into the room and I did everything they told me to do. Including crossing over an ominously-labeled rainbow bridge. It was rainbow. Golden Oak, would be my guess. Either way, I passed. I would have done it regardless of the pain but honestly, I was surprised at how much better everything was. I was also still on pain meds. I then had to get my blood pressure down as the pain had it holding at over 170 on the high side. Kathy and I followed every order and by 3pm, Sunday, I was allowed to return home with a very strict/specific list of instructions for movement, meds and rehab. 

The ordeal, at least for that nine day event, was finally over. I face a fairly long road to recovery but we already see progress. One odd side-affect of anesthesia meds, uncontrollable hiccups. It lasted about 48 hours but, of all the weird things, eating really pretzels with large chunks of salt on them did the trick. Kathy works miracles with food! :)

I still face daily pain at the incision site. The surgeon said those nerves would be like a thousand angry voices and I would need to let them get it out of their system. The left leg still has the cramping issue but I do believe it improves a tiny bit each day. It's still numb at the thigh muscle but I do believe, in time, that it will continue to improve to a point where I can manage it without issue.

While in the hospital, I saw an ESPN show that had video showing Texas A&M players wearing T-shirts with "G.R.I.N.D." on them and I tried to guess what it meant. I was wrong on every word but I thought, "You know what? I'll make that my own acronym"

G.R.I.N.D.

(Get Ready I'm Not Done)

To be continued...

..and let's talk about the lingering pain.

December 6

The damage to the nerves that run down the left from my backbone through my hip and then down to my knee are flaring pretty hard this morning. It's a continuous pain like a really long and winding bruise. I tries to grab your breath and as I walked down the hall to start the coffee pot, I was breathing through the pain. It doesn't help that the A/C is out here in our home, although it is likely going to be fixed or replace next week. Nice weather this weekend, so we aren't too concerned. 

I get the coffee going and return to my power lift chair. I ease back with the buttons to the "TV" position which is kind of a relaxed sitting position. Think 90 degrees angle but rotated back a bit. Again, breathing (quietly) through the strong dull sore pain. Again... like a bruise but hit to knee. I remind myself that it's better than before but it's not much consolation. I scroll through the news on my phone and then on my laptop. I realize I probably need to take one of the Lyrica pills that were prescribed. Another 30 minutes and I'm still feeling the same pain... but maybe it's subsiding just a bit? Maybe it's wishful thinking. 

I walk back to the kitchen, now certain that the pain is pretty much the same. Oh the joy of the first cup of coffee. Kathy preps it the night before so we just have to plug it in. This time, though, the coffee is ready and I add a little creamer and it's back to the bedroom. My mother saw to it that I had a power lift chair. She knows the pain. I am blessed. I know it. I'm thankful for it. Coffee is now on the nightstand next to me. It smells delicious but it's going to need a little cooling down before we enjoy it. Update the blog. Yep... that's what I'm doing here so for the pain, I have a way to describe it.

Right out of the hospital, you are still on pain meds that somewhat mask it but sitting up straight, brings up a specific kind of pain for your back. Imagine going to a huge political rally and holding up a poster of the opponent. You think maybe the crowd might start screaming aloud at you? 

Welcome to pain #1. Around the incision of the back, where the work was done, there are thousands (my non-doctor opinion) of nerves screaming like those political opponents. You feel them become louder as you try to sit up straight or move any of the few directions you are allowed. Thankfully there are meds to help it a bit but I think that pain died down after the first week and a half. It still exists but just around the incision site and you still "baby" it just because it does feel like you are tearing things. You are not... but it feels like it.

Funny story, I had an appointment for my primary care physician. We talk to the doctor about what the hospital was concerned about but he sees and agrees that the pain is likely more of the culprit than any underlying issues... because when my pain levels are down, my blood pressure is fine. He prescribes a short-term solution so that we don't have to worry about unexpected spikes in my blood pressure due to any pain issues. Good plan. I like this new doctor. I see why Kathy likes him. On the way out and when I got back into the truck, a new and sharp pain is felt on my tail bone... right at the belt line really. I decide to ignore it and just get into the truck. I figured I wouldn't panic Kathy so I decided to wait till we get home. Getting out of the truck, same pain. I get into our bedroom and I am beginning to wonder if maybe there were stitches in that area from possibly some part of the surgery. Sometimes they have to go in through a couple of ways to reach things from different angles.

Nope... no stitches but apparently one other strips of medical tape had come loose, which was expected, and had gotten caught on some of hair on my back. Mind you, this is right at the belt line so I was worried about back pain but never thought a strip of that medical tape my get loose and start to pull around on my rather rare back hair. I yoinked that strip of tape (and a few hairs) and tossed it in the trash. 

Then I told Kathy. :)

The pain around the incision or the "thousand angry voices" subsided after a week and half  but in the meantime, my leg pain was still pretty excruciating. I will try to share it with you like this. One part of the pain feels like a Charlie horse but at the same time, a bad sunburn.. and yet the thigh muscle, from hip to knee, is numb. Early on, Kathy would test it asking if I could feel her touch different parts of that thigh muscle and to our combined surprise, it was basically completely numb. 

Along with that pain, was another pain that I like to describe like fireworks shooting down your leg. While the random fireworks of nerves would only present up to the knee, my feet would "paddle" randomly... a lot. Weird but at least I could move my feet. That pain lasted through the first 2 weeks and then subsided.

Only one more pain was left. Not sure if this is something to do with the sciatic nerve but it originates in my hip and runs solidly down to my knee... and once again, stops there. I describe it like one of those old neon signs. They aren't as common, nowadays but in my youth, they were common in the gas stations and diners, and if you listened closely, you could hear them crackle. That's this pain. It is steady, and does seem to fluctuate just a tiny bit but it is steady from hip to knee. That pain, after 3 weeks, seems to fade during the day but once you get settled in at night, it flares up... and you can forget about sleep. I've tried massaging that calf muscle and walking around but it doesn't let up easy until I take whatever the doctor prescribed. That takes the edge off but now you are exhausted from another mostly sleepless night and a nap seems tempting... except that I need to be on a call for work at 8am.... so that nap sometimes never happens. If you fall into this situation, take the naps. You need the rest. We are humans until we are under stress and when we push in the wrong direction on stress, we can become monsters. Get your rest. Take the right meds. Do what the doctors tell you. There are no shortcuts but there are plenty of exit ramps in the healing process. Stay on the main highway despite the pain. If the pain is not being addressed by the meds you've been prescribed, let the doctor know. They are always going to start you at lower doses anyway and they figure if you need help, you will call.

I'm not right at 3 weeks since the surgery and this last pain is my only concern. I may have overdone it by going into the office for a couple of hours. Maybe that was too much and I earned this overnight pain. Time will tell. I will update here.